Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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