3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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