My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
