I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
