Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
