Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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