I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
