It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are my feet made of real feet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize