Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
