YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
