i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
