The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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