Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college

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(573): View more from Missouri

Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina

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(219): View more from Indiana

my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?

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(816): View more from Missouri

My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles

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(512): View more from Texas

So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?

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(409): View more from Texas

DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW

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(716): View more from New York

She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.

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