Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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