Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
