Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
