We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
