there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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