He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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