I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
