i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
