Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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