Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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