I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I party with great urgency now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
