There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
