Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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