Where is the hickey?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
