i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
