He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
