Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize