I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
