just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
