I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
