go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
