Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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