Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
