Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
