we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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