ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
