Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize