Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
