Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
