what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The air was thick with penises
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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