at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
