yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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