Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I did not marry a roomba.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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