I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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