She's JV to your varsity
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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