Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
