I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
