Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
