you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
