Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
