Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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