how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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