Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
