Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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