bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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