Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
