Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
