Is it because I queefed?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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